Dealing with the loss of a parent can be devastating at any age. For a child, the loss of a parent is extremely traumatic mixed with feelings of extreme guilt: the sense that they are being severely punished for something terrible that they have done. The sense of trauma is also mixed with a strong sense of fear: there's a terror that the same thing could happen to the surviving parent. Thus, there's a great deal of urgency to help the child work through these feelings adequately and at their own pace.
Instructions
1. Designate a time where you and the children can sit in a private room with the door shut and discuss their feelings about the death of the parent. Allow a free flow of feelings and words no matter how ugly, or sad, or crazy they might sound. Validate the children's feelings and anticipate that you or the children may begin to cry. It's okay if the children see you cry. Seeing you cry gives them permission to cry and thus work through their grief.
2. Set time aside for painting. Make it clear to the children that they can paint whatever they feel or are thinking about. Painting or drawing can often express feelings that children experience that they don't have words for. Talk gently to the children about their drawings and try to see if they can verbalize their emotions.
3. Make time for treats. This is a grim time for the children so try to make their days brighter, with something to look forward to or be excited about. Movies, ice cream, new toys, special restaurants, and weekend trips can make the period seem less dismal. What they're trying to cope with is so difficult, they still need to be aware that life is still filled with good things.
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